The Autism Connection

How the pieces fit in my house.

There are several theories about where new autism comes from, but one thing that can't be argued is the genetic factor. Autism has a high probability of having autism. NT (with no genetic links to autism) having autism is a roll of the dice. I've stated before that Tyler is not a case of a "lost" child, as some people call it. I never thought of him as "normal" and then "lost" him. Tyler was just always different. In fact, when he was a baby I'd often say, it's a good thing I had Hope first, because if I had had Tyler first there would have been no second child. Tyler was the straw that broke this camels back.


So, if Tyler was born with autism. Where did it come from? Knowing all that I do about autism. How it manifests itself differently yet similarly, knowing Tyler like I do, knowing my family like I do....I can honestly say, he got it from me. Understanding Tyler makes me understand myself. As I try to help him understand himself something always dawns on me about things I do, or things I did as a child.


I don't know where I got it from. That could probably be argued. Was it genetics? Was it the fact that I was born on my death bed and received a montage of drugs, testings, and treatments? I don't know, and I won't argue over it. Does it matter? Not to me. I like who I am. So what if I'm different. So what if I have a hard time being around other people. So what if other people don't like me. Guess what? The people who don't like me...I don't like them either :)


When I was a kid, I didn't suffer from Tyler's current blights. I had no desire to be included with people, and since I wasn't trying to force it....I was often accepted by all. I didn't care about the social groups. I talked to whoever I wanted, and they likewise spoke to me. And when the girls could no longer be friends with the guys because they wanted to date them, I was friends with them, because I did not want to date them. However, despite my social flexibility and the acceptance of my peers, the fact that I knew many people and the fact that many probably considered me a friend....I did not consider them my friends. Looking back on my childhood, I could tell you that I had 3 friends. Not all at one time either ;)


I almost failed Kindergarten, because I couldn't properly identify colors or shapes. In second grade the school diagnosed me with dyslexia, and I was entered into SLD (slow learning disability). By third grade I was no longer attending SLD classes. By fifth grade the office realized I was still enrolled into the SLD program even though I hadn't be to a single class in years. So I had to be tested in order to be released. In this process they ended up giving me an IQ test (maybe they were flabber gasted that I self taught myself out of dyslexia *shrugs*). I recall taking this test, it was long and boring. I was dubbed a borderline genius. Uhh, ok? What fifth grader cares about being on the brink of genius?! Even now, it's just a tid bit fact to me. It's like saying "I need to go to the store.". It's joined with other such tid bit facts of, I use to fancy myself a writer and had been published several times in my younger years or I dabble in art and some people like it. School had already become a series of repeats. I had gone from third to fifth grade and I didn't even notice a leap or struggle.


Outside of school....I kept my personal stuff to myself. I didn't even talk to my 3 friends about anything that had any kind of weight to it. I reserved those things for myself. In fact, at one point my most prized friend found out some stuff that I never told her and I was quite amazed at how upset she was solely because I never told her. Those were my things. They had nothing to do with anyone else. It had no impact at all on anyone but me. Perhaps I still don't understand that one, heh. My favorite place as an older child was under my bed. However apparently as a smaller child I often was found in closets or tucked in back corners on top of things. When I was upset I would rock myself and...talk. My teenage years is another blog all together. Maybe some day.


As an adult...I don't like unannounced visitors. It's an invasion into my personal space. My house is my personal space. I just don't like people in it. An unannounced visitor is like an assault. I don't like talking to people. If I have to, I prefer it to be on the phone. I have random massive anxiety attacks. I can go from being perfectly fine to OH MY GOSH YOU ARE SHREDDING MY INNER BEING LIKE GLASS THROUGH PAPER. YOU MUST CEASE AND DESIST IMMEDIATELY! in less than a second. I just recently realized....I have a seat. It's my seat. Don't sit in my seat. I can't eat sea food. I've tried. It makes me throw up. So does Chinese food, but everyone else loves it so I eat fried rice. It's the least Chinesey of the Chinese food. I have a total emotional disconnect to many things, one that I am completely aware of. I sometimes wonder if I'm heartless, but my husband would completely disagree with that. I'm not really heartless. I am just very logical and I sadly find a lot of people to be irrational and :( stupid. Oh, and I really can't stand to be approached by strangers out in public. Even if I'm in a store and someone who works there approaches me to ask if I need help with anything. NO I DON'T! IF I DID, I WOULD COME TO YOU!!


My husband (whom is a completely different story) is a lot like me. Except he is MUCH slower to freak out. It's actually virtually unheard of. Which is good, because Tyler and I have that department covered. He throws up over salads. He equally hates being around people. He's a lot like Tyler in the outward physical stims department. I chew on my inner cheeks constantly so it, I don't think, is ever noticeable. My husband chews on his hands. Tyler....does a whole lot of stuff. I guess Tyler is still working on finding his nitch. My husband also says things ALL the time that are crazy insane and insensitive. They are the source of many jokes for us.


Back when we were young autism diagnosis was still in it's infancy. Autism was still seen as a single extreme. Now that there is more awareness for the spectrum disorder that it is people like Tyler can get recognized. Seeing as how my husband works from home, and I am a stay at home mom, neither one of us sees (at this time) a reason to leave the comforts of our home for an official diagnosis. Neither of us is very willingly to go the dr unless we are close to dying. It's now just an inside joke. Hey honey, your autism is showing. Given my experience though, I would say that autism attracts autism. And what's wrong with that? We happen to think we are pretty amazing people. This happens to be THE BEST relationship of any kind that I have ever had with anyone. Tyler's dad (no offense to you if you happen to read this) I find to be just your a-typical NT jerk. That doesn't mean that all NT's are bad people. It's just can be hard to find one that you can get along with. However, in the autism community there are many NT people out there who have come a long way from the general public. And you guys....I commend you. You are amazing!