Tyler gets a lesson in empathy!

Tyler is growing!

Yesterday we set out to pick Tyler up from my ex-husband's house. We chat for a few minutes as Tyler gets situated in the car and the X says his goodbyes. As we head home we talk to Tyler about what he's been up to since he's been gone. What did they do? What did he like about it? Did he not like things? Did they go anywhere? What did he think about any people they were around? His description skills are...lacking (that will play a small factor in what I am about to tell you) so I try to get him to work on it as often as I can. 

As we pulled out of the driveway he wanted to try and give us directions to go somewhere to SHOW us something, because he couldn't describe it. We passed ;) and just worked out what he meant. Then, as we headed back towards the highway he begins to tell us about how the X is now seeing a woman who has three kids. This gets my interest. My X has not dated one girl yet where Tyler got along with their kids. Be it bad merging, the other kids, or as many of you face...just plain ole ASD making it hard to get along with them. So I jump on that. How did he like them? Did they get along?

He tells me that there are three kids. One is a boy who is either a couple of months younger or older than him. Then there are two younger girls the youngest of which has a "brain thing". "Brain thing" is as good of a description as any from Tyler. What this affliction is has no baring on the rest of the conversation but it has everything to do with the conversation. Hopefully you'll understand what I mean in just a moment. Also I do not want to invade the privacy of this woman's family.

So, Tyler goes on talking about the kids and things they did together this past week. Seems as though everything went pretty well. Especially considering Tyler. He then suddenly says well, except for this one really gross thing that the youngest girl kept doing to him, and YOU DO NOT want to know about that. o.O Uhhh, yes...actually I do! He said, well....you know she's got that brain thing and....she kept kissing my leg! (He clarified that kissing is really gross and is only ok between him and the 3 parents). We both kinda giggle. Tyler is totally grossed out by the situation. Jason is trying to explain that she didn't mean him any harm, and I'm saying yeah but the thing is is that he doesn't like other people (especially other children) touching him.

So we asked Tyler...did you ask her to stop? He said yeah, and when she didn't I just kept saying her mothers name every two seconds. What does she think about the situation? She finds it really annoying too. The kissing or you hollering her name every two seconds? ;) He picked up my joke and gave me a "haha very funny" look and said the kissing. He then said, She's got that brain thing, ya know, so I mean..it's ok. Jason and I busted out laughing. Could not help it. Tyler didn't understand how we went from him being VERY serious about something to laughing suddenly when he was not amused at all. He was distraught over her kissing his leg (and said she also did other things that bothered him but the highlight is the kissing). We were laughing because here Tyler was...an a typically unaccepting child of anything outside of himself, and he was TRYING to empathize with this girl and her "brain thing". So we quickly explain that we aren't laughing at him, her or the situation. He then tries to clarify himself that it's ok that she doesn't KNOW any better because of her brain thing, but that he isn't ok with her doing it anyways. He wants her to learn that she can't be doing these things to him.

So I tell him that it is VERY GOOD of him to try and be understanding of her "brain thing" seeing as how he has his own "brain thing" going on. I was so proud of him for taking a situation that he couldn't understand or be accepting of, but try to make it work anyways. He did say that sometimes it got to be too much for him and he'd just cry, because he couldn't take any more. But he was trying to think outside himself. He was trying to be accepting of someone else's affliction. Someone he doesn't love. Someone he just met. Here it is, Tyler couldn't even explain WHY he was crying (we worked out that and decided he was crying out of annoyance and frustration), but he was trying to empathize with another persons affliction. Despite the fact that he was very uncomfortable with how it made him feel he still paused to say....but she can't help herself.

Tyler may not be all that great in dealing with emotions, but every once in a while... there are sparks. Some times, sparks catch fire....

Thank you mystery new girlfriend for (from what I have heard so far about you) having good kids, being a good person yourself, and for not being bothered by Tyler saying your name so much because he is freaking out. :)

(Also, do note that the laughter was expressed elation of the growth Tyler is making)