Sunday, July 21, 2013

Social Hangover

Most people have been drunk. At least once. And if you haven't it really shouldn't be hard to picture how it feels. You undoubtedly have seen someone stumbling about, completely a mess, and barely coherent. Surely you've looked at them and thought something along the lines of, 'I can't imagine WHY they do that to themselves, it can't feel pleasant!'

Yet the person does it again. Undoubtedly during the drinking process things are wonderful. They're having fun. Perhaps it doesn't even occur to them until MUCH later, if at all, that they have had too much. The morning after comes and suddenly it lays in like a freight train. The thought, 'WHAT was I thinking?!' sets in. Nausea comes in waves. The pressure builds in your head. Your butt drags and all you want is to go back to bed, and STAY there.

This last year I have been in more social situations than what I have cared for. Granted, just like someone who has had too much to drink, there are some social situations I put myself in willingly and for the most part enjoy. But, I live a quiet life. I spend most of my time at home. Just the way I like it. Even when I go out in public I have an extreme sense of self that guards me from the general public. As long as nothing is going on we tend to eat dinner with The Grandparents every Sunday. And since January my MIL and I usually go to Yoga twice a week together. That is my usual allotment for socialness.

Tyler's in baseball though. This season he is trying out a more competitive league which means more practices. Four times a week. Blonde Eyes is in Color Guard and I have a huge position on the Band Board. Band Camp starts next week. The past several weekends family has come in from out of town. My life has been, busy. Granted right now most of those I come in contact with I like. I have a way of refusing to go around people I don't like. But, just like someone who was having fun throwing back a few drinks, the morning after isn't always so pleasant. 

The past few weeks I have felt tired. Run down. I keep a headache. I have a nervous stomach, which really just means anytime something is off with me it goes to my stomach and makes me feel sick. Then it hit me. This has been happening in cycles. I end up spending several days nursing myself back together, and then get back at it with all the busy socialness, and then wham back to the beginning of the cycle. I've been getting socially drunk and having social hangovers.

I'm a big girl. I can figure out my needs, and then make sure they're met. I just need to step back some. I can't do things almost every single day. I can't be around tons of people. One on one on occasion, ok. A couple of people here and there of whom I am well acquainted, fine. Large groups, noisy places, and go go go go, is turning out to be a big no no no no.

Then, I look at Tyler. He's not so able to express his needs or good at explaining what's wrong with him. Often times, he doesn't even know what's wrong all he knows is SOMETHING is wrong. It is then my job to play connect the dots between what has been going on and how he is responding. I deduce that X is causing over stimulus and remove it. TA DAH! I fixed the issue. So, likewise, I must do the same for myself.

Often throughout the community people want to socialize their child. I  get it. I do. BUT, please do so with sensitivity and caution. Understand that all that socialness doesn't come easy to the autistic. And, just like alcohol, it should be taken in moderation. Also keeping in mind that a sufficient amount of recovery time will be needed between social events to safe-keep them from burnout. Only you will be able to judge by the signals your child gives you how much time they need. 

Although I do not personally see a problem with living a quiet life with little to no social interactions outside of a few people, I do know that amongst  the NT community that social behavior is desirable.  Also, I find that online, texting, and any other non verbal communications with people to be far easier as well as more enjoyable.

Don't write me off. Don't think I don't want to talk to you. Message me. I'll chat with you. But also keep these forms of non verbal social means in mind with your kid/s.

I hope this adequately explains to you what it's like to be socially over stimulated. I hope you understand me more. I hope you have been given an insight to the world your child lives in. And if all this does is leave you with questions, feel free to inbox them to me! :)