Autistic kids become Autistic adults.

Last night I laid cuddled up to my husband and began thinking. Holding me has never been a "natural" thing for him. He wants to though, and he knows I enjoy it. So he does it for as long as he can possibly stand it and then says, "I'm sorry hun". I'm thankful for the time that I get. I know he tries. I smile, give him one last squeeze, one last kiss, and I roll over still smiling and still thinking.


My husband is over 40 years old. Look at where our autism awareness is now. We all run into those who don't understand it. Those who don't even try to understand it. Yet, we are at a great advantage now as to where the knowledge had been then. 40 years ago autism wasn't seen for the spectrum disorder that it is. There were very strict diagnosis criteria. Even in today's advanced time people go undiagnosed for not following the old strict criteria. I read a story about someone whom had a child that was 13 and was just getting diagnosed with severe classic autism because in the past they had said she COULDN'T be autistic because she showed affection towards her parents....and well, everyone knows that those with autism do NOT show any emotion...o.O


40 years ago my husband was a boy whom suffered from epilepsy, he would bang his head into the floor with no thought of pain, he was seen as a child whom lived inside a bubble that no one could penetrate, and one of the most told stories is about his constant chair tipping days. He was a chewer, lived off of canned spaghetti (and was known for gagging and throwing up when forced to eat certain foods), purposely had virtually no friends, and lived inside his own obsessions. To this day my husband still lives inside his own obsessions, he's still a chewer, he still abstains from friendships, he would not only still be eating canned spaghetti if I let him he would be forcing the rest of us to eat it as well, and if he can't have me with him he either flat out refuses to go or if forced to go he will not enjoy it no matter who is present.

One of the things that I find the most amazing about my husband is his memory. My husband on one hand seems very absent minded. However, he can take a 10 book series. Read them all out of order. Read each book just one time. THEN when you start reading the series in order, and he asks you what page you're on.....he can QUOTE something from that page. He can tell you EVERYTHING that has happened up to that point without saying anything about what is about to happen. How stinking amazing is that?! And...a tad creepy :)


My husband has no problem telling me he loves me. We have a love journal that we write love notes in to each other. However he knows he's not exactly Mr. Romantic. So, as he tells me, his way of making up for it is...if I cook, he cleans the kitchen. He washes the laundry. He shows his love by helping out around the house, because he knows he kinda sucks with words. I mean: He once told his girlfriend (whom was canceling their date because she was having car problems and was refusing to let him come pick her up, because she thinks everyone other than her drives too dangerously), that well if you had spears sticking out of steering wheels and pointed at peoples chest instead of having seat belts that people would suddenly drive with some caution. Then wondered why she stopped talking to him... o.O We just call these Mr. Toad moments and roll with it. I mostly find them pretty funny.


I use to worry about Tyler. What would become of him as an adult? But when I look at my husband... His life doesn't suck. He has a family that loves him. He has a job in the field of his choosing. He gets to work from home so he doesn't have to talk to anyone socially anymore (he freaking LOVES that!). He has a wife that understands him for who he is and let's him be that person. Although, I admit I do slap him on his hands when he starts chewing on himself... My husband is happy with who he is. He always has been. Even as a child. He thinks he is awesome. And let me be the first in line to say....he most certainly is. Tyler will be just fine. So what if it takes him longer to get there. He WILL get there.


(My husband proof read this and agrees with everything other than the frequency in which he and the kids would be eating canned spaghetti. He claims canned spaghetti is amazing however they would only eat it at least once a week, but not every day.)

Video Games - To play them or not to play them?

This video game requires serious concentration.

Video games! Oh, video games... Some people love them. Some people hate them. Some think it's a waste of time. Some think it's making kids/people dumb. Oh....let me rant about video games.


I remember hearing many moons ago that a study had been done that found that there was an area of the brain that apparently nothing but video games could access. So, first off, isn't that awesome?! How could using a section of your brain that nothing else does be a bad thing? Secondly, most (not all) people whom I have ever heard knock down video games are the biggest couch potatoes I have ever seen. How could watching countless hours of t.v. be ok, but video games bad? o.O No sir. Now let me tell you why...


Most recently in my personal experience... Jamie Benn of the Dallas Stars hockey team stated that to improve hand eye coordination and to improve on teammate skills that he and Louie Erikson played video games together. If you do not follow hockey...if you do not follow the Dallas Stars....when Jamie Benn and Louie Erikson play together on the same line, holy smokes! They are amazing.

Co-Op Portal 2. A puzzle game that requires team work and problem solving skills in order to move through various rooms with many obstacles. 

On an even more personal note. My husband whom is undiagnosed (we deliberately do not seek an official diagnosis for him as it would not change anything for him) but you can bet your piggie bank on it....well he spent most of his life working and playing video games. He doesn't like people. He can't relate to them. They don't relate to him. He hates being forced to be around people. Outside of me and the kids you are hard pressed to find anyone he likes. However, he still plays online games which by their very nature force him to interact with people.


The reason why ASD people don't like people (don't like the social aspect of being around them) is because most of the social aspect is body language. We all know that they can't read that. Everyone hates standing next to two people whom are chatting up a storm in a language they don't understand. I imagine that this is exactly what it is like to an ASD person (of any age) when they are around other people physically. They are missing all the cues. Throw in the fact that they can be as literal as the day is long...it's spelling disaster. As is, when talking with my son he has to stop and ask all the time, ok did you mean X or Y, because I am given the understanding that there are two possible meanings for what you just said.

When you have trouble talking to the person next to you... Whip out the handheld's and play a game together. WHEW! Pressure alleviated! :)

So you take ALL of that away. Let them play games. Now they are interacting with people without having to worry about what the other persons body is saying, they don't have to worry about what their own body is saying....the playing field has been leveled. Now they can interact with people care free. AND they might even have an ace up their sleeve in this situation. They have something in common with the people that are there. Sure, maybe those people aren't ASD, BUT they at least like the game. **side note** I know people whom enjoy playing online game together so much that they will play other games together. ie; When a new game is coming out, if one wants to try it, they both try it.


Now for some back up to what I cannot express in personal experience (which is mostly on the social front). Here's the science in it. Proof that video games don't make you dumb. Proof that video games increase your brain use, and thus can make you...smarter.


Here's an article stating that children who play video games think more, and that surgeons who play video games are better surgeons.

Watching Spongebob lowers IQ.

As with all things, moderation and variety are important. However, if your feelings towards video games are solely based on the lack of "outside world" experience your child is getting... I wouldn't worry about it so much. They are connecting with people in a way that is more comfortable to them than face to face. Physical exercise is important as well as doing educational work. My kids are required to get one hour minimum of physical activity outside every day as well as spend at least one hour more doing something educational. The something educational can not be an educational video game. They only play approved by parent video games. And they can only play them in their own free time. We have plenty of family time together. We go out and do things. If we watch t.v. it is almost always on the Science or Discovery channels (Well, unless it's Sheldon of course).

Let's work on our spelling, planning, and cognitive skills by playing Scrabble.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T equals Equality

So last weekish I was asked to write a blog about equality. I did, but I wasn't really happy with it. I think I do better when I take some time to think about the matter. My views on it. Examples. Why I'm even talking about it in the first place. So here is take two.


My thoughts on life can really be summed into one thought. I do not believe that any one person is living life so perfectly that they have any room to be telling anyone else how to be living their life. For me, it's that simple. Am I a good person? I think so. Are there things out there that I don't agree with? You bet. Do I have any place to be telling someone else that their chosen way of life, their chosen thoughts or feelings are wrong and invalid? No way!

I don't drink. Does that mean that I think that my mommy friends who get together and have margarita's are bad people? No. I don't drink coffee because it makes me sick. Shame on all you coffee guzzlers? No. I don't smoke...but I use to. Now every single one of you smokers drop those cigarettes right this minute!? Not if you don't want to. I don't do drugs and don't think it's a good idea. So all you strung out druggies get in rehab? It's up to you. I'm happily married to the opposite sex. So curse all you dirty gays to Hell? Believe it or not...no. Speaking of Hell. I'm a Christian. So curse you all to Hell whom disagree with me? *sighs* No.


I may not do certain things and may do other things. I may not agree with certain things and agree with others. But here is the huge kicker. I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU DO! Do I think that the people shooting their kids up with bleach in an effort to "cure" autism are crazy? Oh you better believe it. Even something THAT crazy though, to control them is to say that I believe that controlling people is a good idea. And once you say that about one thing, it spreads over into other things, and then more things, and more things....it grows. Like a weed. It grows and it spreads.


When you spend so much time worrying about what other people are doing. What they are saying, thinking or feeling you bring yourself down. You resort to angry and hateful feelings towards those people. I just don't really have time for that. I am too happy with my life to clog it up with ill feelings about other people. That doesn't mean I don't have those feelings. I just don't FEED them. If you don't feed them it makes it hard for them to grow.


Equality and respect go hand in hand. You cannot say you want equality and not respect someone else's rights to the same things. Take religion for example. You cannot demand the freedom to not be apart of a religion and then say so since I don't believe in religion I do not want to see/hear/know anything about anyone else who does believe. Vice versa as well. I don't smoke. Where I live they have laws now that say you cannot smoke inside places of business unless it is separated off from the main section and has separate ventilation. I'm ok with that. To me this is an arrangement that respects everyone's rights. No one says you can't smoke, just step outside. I'm ok with passing people on the sidewalk smoking. That's their right. My daughter isn't. She feels like if you are walking in a crowd you shouldn't be smoking. She has the right to feel that way. Her view is from being a child and people walking on crowded sidewalks...she's had some cigarettes in her face. I see her point, sure I agree that in a crowded situation it's probably not the nicest thing to be doing. However you cannot impede on their right without making it ok to impede on your rights.

I really feel like people have gotten too far into the habit of worrying about everyone else. The Bible tells us that you cannot focus on someone else's splinter when you have a whole stick in your eye. Whether you are religious or not, you can get the point and it is sound advice. However, I think that many people spend so much time looking at others so that they do not have to look at themselves. I am a flawed human being. You are a flawed human being. Everyone you know is a flawed human being. Life is hard enough without people throwing proverbial sticks and stones at each other. And you know what, there are going to be people, groups of people, who do resort to slinging hate, fear, and anger. This does NOT mean you have to join them, either by slinging it with them or at them. Either way you're still slinging it.


Let's focus on being our best. Let's show our children the way to be by example. Let's show our neighbors, friends, family, and random strangers. I respect your right to be YOU. No matter who YOU are. No matter who you love. No matter what god or lack there of that is in your life. No matter if you have hate in your heart. No matter the choices I choose to make for myself. I am not you. You are not me. And that is perfectly ok!

A step is a ladder, not a dad!

I wanted to take a moment to praise my husband. He is an amazing dad. I should also take a moment to catch you guys up to speed on the situation. My husband is officially "step-dad". When he came into the picture Tyler was in Kindergarten. Tyler was from a previous marriage, and Hope was from...a long short story from my teens. Jason had never been married. Had no children of his own. Yet he came into this relationship like a pro. It didn't seem so hard for him. He just knew what he wanted in a family and he went for it.

He would tuck Tyler into bed every night and read him a story. He jumped into being involved. He does things. He's there. He's in it. And he makes it look easy. Yet he's not afraid to tag team it. He'll tap out and say "you're in" when he knows he's out of his league. He's not so egotistical to think that he's "it". We have a fabulous relationship. We have a wonderful and happy family. I want to share with you guys some of the reason that makes Jason just so amazing.

Song to my husband! I love you :D Feel free to listen to it while you read about him.

The Car. This was his car when we got together. He instantly decided that NO family man drives a 2 seater sports car. It HAD to go. What he needed was an SUV to carry everyone, do grocery shopping in, and room to carry sports equipment.

Next

First family outing. Texas State Fair. Well on the road to being the Daddy that the children love so dearly.

Next

He makes time to make them count. No excuses. Lunch EVERY Friday.

Next

He is the BEST of best friends I have ever had. I still have best friends from my youth, but nothing compares to the friendship that we have. This man is AMAZING!

Next

This stuff isn't even posed. This is how you could find them any random time. This was them watching Hockey.

Next

Who wouldn't love a man that gives foot massages?!

Next

He is not afraid to look like a fool or to injure himself for the sake of doing something with his kids. (In this case, I'm not real sure your average 40 year old man should be ice skating)

Next

I told you. This stuff isn't posed. I could supply truck loads of these.

Next

Movie night. Families have traditions....right?

Next

Tyler bought this a few weeks ago out of his own money for Jason. 

Next

Jason works from home. We very literally spend 24/7 together. Yet we hate doing anything separately. Love.of.my.life.

Next

The best coach ever. He leads Tyler to success while letting him remain the boy that he is.

Jason is the kind of guy that if you get divorced (and you're a good caring guy yourself) that you would DREAM of being the one to get involved. Jason is so involved that people don't even realize that he is the "step-dad". He and Tyler are so close. Tyler publicly calls him daddy (hopefully before too long we will have the spare money to pay for the adoption of Hope). Jason is just an amazing guy.

Home of the Free

Things are about to get touchy....

Right off the bat let me say that I am typically about the least political person there is. Largely I don't even view what I am about to say as being political. To me it's about what makes sense to me. What I think is "common sense". What I think is "doing the right thing". However, I do recognize that there is a huge political slant to this. This blog post is not my usual thing, but it does come at a request. Who am I to deny? So...love it. Hate it. Whatever. This is my dime and my feelings.

So this whole thing started on Mama's page. Mama shared a link to a story and asked what everyone thought about it. Summation = KKK wants to adopt a highway. Is this a PR move? No doubt! These types of moves can be found all over the news. Famous people, want to be famous people, people/companies needing back into the light, "accidentally" slipped sex tapes... The list of PR moves is huge and the list of names is just as big. Do I care if the KKK adopts a highway? No. Someone has to clean up the mess that people will continue to throw out their windows as they drive. It may be an PR move, but they are going to have to suffer and endure their way through it.

But is it really?

Here is my issue. It's the biggest catch for me in virtually everything. It really comes down to hypocrisy. People are always shouting about freedom of speech. Freedom of this and that. You're imposing their rights. You're suppressing them. They want the right to do such and such. On the other hand those same people scream...OH MY GOSH! You can't have the right to say that. You can't have the right to do that. I don't want to hear/see/know anything about you having the right to... o.O Really people? You scream about freedom and equality, but then you complain about others having it too? Who cares what someone else has? Who cares what someone else is doing? WHY care?!

It doesn't even stop at your way of life. It's not just about the people who are offended about people believing in God. It's not just about your civil rights. To tell people what they are allowed to do in such matters is to say that someone else can tell you how to live your life. How you are allowed to feel about things. How would you like it if someone told you that you couldn't be mad at someone who hurt your feelings? How would you like it if someone told you that your opinion was being thrown out because it wasn't favorable?

Who is weighing the scales?

So who gets to be the judge here? Someone has to right? The problem here is...everyone is different. So, you think the KKK is crazy and you don't like how they feel. You disagree with their view points on life and their overall message. Wonderful. Problem? They happen to think the exact same thing about you. This is not just limited to the KKK. The same could be said about anyone in ANY setting. There is ALWAYS a counter. The religious vs the atheists. The republicans vs the democrats. The anti vax vs the vax. Pro life vs pro choice.

You cannot change someones heart with negativity. The only chance that there is, is by example. When people look at you, do they see happiness? Do they see joy? Love? Kindness? Forgiveness? You can't beat hate with hate. Live and let live folks. When criminal acts take place there are laws that answer those crimes. Otherwise...just let it go. It will not make you happier to think angry/negative thoughts about those who you disagree with. It doesn't help you or them. It actually brings you to their side.

Otherwise, censor everyone...including yourself.

No one is saying to agree with everyone or everything. Just to come to a broader understanding. That no one person is more than another. Isn't that the point we drive home every day here in the special needs community? Really think about that message. Expand on it. Include more people. We are in no place to tell others how to live their lives. You would not be so willing to accept those telling you that you were living your life wrong. Let's look a little more on the inside. Worry about doing our best. Spreading love. Living our message of equality. No matter how different a person may be.

I believe in Magic!

Tyler & Hope

We live in Dallas. My ex-husband lives closer to Fort Worth. So every other weekend we have to drive out there to pick Tyler up. I had decided Friday that this weekend when we picked him up that we would head to Grapevine and go to the Grapevine Mills Mall. This past year they opened a Sea Life Aquarium there. We have annual passes specifically because of this drive we make to my ex-husbands house. It's something different to throw into the mix every so often of the usual Dallas Zoo and Dallas World Aquarium that we also keep annual passes for.


I also, for months, have been wanting to try wax earplugs on Tyler. However I could not find any until here recently. I guess because they are more for swimming than blocking out sensory overload. I had bought him a pair of regular earplugs awhile back but he kept pulling them out since they had a string hanging from them. They were quickly lost. Benefits unseen. I've been dying to try the earplugs. I decided this morning was the day. I grabbed them and stuffed them in my purse. I packed him an egg salad sandwich, and then we were off.

Magic in a handy carry case.

We picked up Hope from her friends house, we picked up Tyler, passed out sandwiches, and headed to Grapevine. We chatted on the way about this and that. We found our way without incident. We got there a few minutes before opening. We got in line and waited for them to open. The lady in front of us apparently didn't realize that there were two separate lines. One for members and one for those needing to purchase tickets. It finally dawned on her after she asked if we already had tickets. Tyler then became pretty upset. She didn't have tickets! The people in the other line don't have tickets. So if no one in either line has tickets....where does that leave us?! Rules are being broken. Order and structure is being thrown to the winds! I quickly assured him it was ok and we were in the right place. We got inside and Tyler was his usual self. Busy. Move, move, move. Loud. The place was loud. Then I remembered. Earplugs. Must get earplugs. Tyler sat down on a bench and let me put them on his ears.

Fossil Find activity center.

Tyler instantly slowwwwed down. He stopped and looked in the tanks. We pointed out and named the fish and other sea creatures we knew (we've kept salt water tanks for several years). Tyler stopped and enjoyed this fossil find center for a long time. We just found a seat and let him have it. I stood in awe as I watched him actually enjoy something. Even though the school has been working with Tyler on using appropriate volume levels it's still been a struggle for him. This place was so loud. There were little kids screaming. They had music playing over an intercom. Plus everyone talking was just collectively loud. Yet Tyler now spoke very softly. He wasn't as fussy about being touched. He usually doesn't like being touched from behind and especially around his neck and shoulders. Yet I stood behind him with my hands on his shoulders and even rubbed him some....he never flinched. He didn't squirm under my hands. I was watching him transform before my eyes. He was happy. He was calm. This was magic!

Nautilus Fossil. He brushed sand off of this, buried it, rinse and repeat a million times.

He looked in every tank. Found something to be amazed about everywhere. He read the facts on the wall. He answered questions on his fact sheet. He searched for hidden letters inside the tanks for a word scramble. He only ever got overly obsessed one time. Where he couldn't end process. He HAD to finish what he was thinking about. So we had to move forward and then come back. (We had done question #7 and he just knew he had seen #8 written on the wall somewhere. He HAD to find it.)

The fin of the Loch Ness Monster.

He followed this "skeleton" throughout many tanks. He just knew it was a dinosaur.  He wondered how big it was. He wondered how they got it in there. He finally decided the entire process in which it takes to get a dinosaur of this size into this tank.

He marveled at the sizes of eels. He searched for a sneaky hiding octopus. He helped find stealthy camo cuttlefish. A repeat theme was the Nautilus. He found them in the Fossil Find activity. He found them on the wall.We talked about how the Earth has gone through several mass extinctions and how the Nautilus has managed to survive every one of the ones that has occurred since they have existed.  

The Nautilus.

Tyler & a Nautilus fossil.

Tyler even sat down at a table with his sister and colored a picture of a sea turtle. That itself is not that amazing. What is amazing is the TIME it lasted. That's the kicker for a lot of this stuff. Usually Tyler is in a hurry. He's talking really loud. He's pushing through the crowd. He wants to be there, but he moves like he's ready to get out. He stayed and colored a whole picture. He interacted with the touch tanks. He turned in his paper for the word scramble. He turned in his Q & A paper and got a medal. We couldn't help but let him get a stuffed dolphin (his absolute favorite animal). 

Mr. Sea Turtle

After we left he took the earplugs out. On our way home we talked about how he behaved and how different he was. Tyler proclaimed that the earplugs were like magic. They were. I totally believe in magic. This summer already has been so educational for us. We are finding things that WORK for Tyler. They are things that can help him in school. They are things that the school could not object to. I am beginning to see a fourth grade Tyler who can sit in his seat and not be distracted by all of the fuss. A Tyler that might actually be able to rise above the stigma's that have haunted him in school. Next step....earplugs during baseball. I really hope that they will be magical for him there too.

On the outside looking in.

The heart of someone loving someone with Autism.

We've talked about meltdowns in the past. I really wanted to come at it from a different angle this time though. There is a song I've linked on our facebook page recently, and I wanted to talk about how I relate that song to Autism. How I relate that song to Tyler. If you did not listen to the song when I posted it, I encourage you to do so now. I will wait for you. Song.

Now then. About the above picture. I.absolutely.love.Tyler. However, I ride the roller coaster of Autism with him. Sometimes....it just isn't a fun ride. Which will be the main point behind this post. What it's like to be in the passenger seat of a meltdown. I am going to use a meltdown from a couple of years ago as my reference point in this post, because I feel like this particular instance sums it all up.

One afternoon Tyler was having a rough go of things. As was typical of the time, he was suppose to have 5 minutes of time out. Time out was 5 minutes of silence. Most of the time this was readily accepted. Occasionally there was a slight resistance, but never much. On this particular occasion though Tyler just cried. He stood and cried. He sat and cried. I called for him to come here. My heart was so sad for this wilting flower of mine. He wouldn't budge. He just cried. So....I went to him. I just knew he needed a hug.

KABOOM!

Ok, so I THOUGHT I knew he needed a hug. Apparently a hug was the last thing on Tyler's mind. I violated the "No touch" clause. This child detonated in my arms. I was actually afraid to let him go. So, I did the only thing I could think of. I held on. He screamed. Wildly. Incoherently. He accused me of choking him. He screamed more incoherently. He told me I would never be able to fix this for him. He cried. I cried. He screamed. I cried. I held on for dear life, and I cried my broken heart out. He was right. I likely could never "fix this" for him. How hopeless. I cried as he continued to scream incoherently. Suddenly, he woke up. That's all I can really say about the change. He was screaming incoherently one second and the next he was completely quiet. He became still in my arms. Suddenly he became aware that I was crying. He thought I was injured. Tyler understands someone else being in physical pain. He began to check me over. I told him that my heart hurt. He stood up. Looked down upon me. "Oh"....he turned around and walked away. 

This is what the after picture looks like.

He didn't come back. Tyler does not do emotional pain. Since this day he has told me that from now on I should say that my arm hurts and to go get dad the next time that I am emotionally wounded. This is the roller coaster. Autism is it's name. My son Tyler is the driver, but every once in awhile Autism takes over and takes us both for a ride. It's never fun, and when he takes back control it's like waking up from a really bad dream. One that you don't quite remember. Except....I remember them. These dreams...hurt. A lot. I feel helpless and afraid. A terrible sadness. All I want to do is "fix this". He's already told me I can't though...

Confusion.

 So, what do you do? You lick your Autism wounds and you get back in there. You can't live today afraid of when/if Autism takes over again. You will miss out on SO much. Find the bandaids to cover the claw marks on your heart. Stich up anything too big for a bandaid. I have the connection I do with Tyler, because he knows he can trust me with his Autism. He knows if it takes over I'm not going anywhere. I'll be there to ride the ride with him. I'll suffer as he suffers. I have no doubt that he is suffering. He is in pain. I am not the only one. He knows, that even though he doesn't understand my pain, that no matter how much it hurts... I'll be there next time. I have often heard him proclaim to someone "Why can't you just understand me?!" or accuse someone "You just don't understand me!". I do not have that issue with Tyler. In fact, he often says that no one understands him like I do. I have that understanding, because I'm in there. I'm fighting Autism with him.

The song - This song talks about being afraid, but doing it anyways. It talks about loving someone through great pain. Waiting for them (to come out of  a dream...?). Dying for them. When Autism takes my son away from me, I do die. I do become afraid. I suffer great pains as I watch him suffer great pains that I cannot "fix". This song, when I think of it as my journey to my husband it makes me smile. He was so worth waiting for. He was worth the steps I had to take to get to him. But when I think of this song in relation to Tyler...my eyes well up. It's a constant process. I have him. I lose him. I have him. I lose him. He's mine again! And I would not trade my life with Tyler for anything. In spite of this battle we fight we live an amazing life together.

Some day...Tyler and I are going to walk off into the sunset. We'll win the fight against Autism. We'll show it it's place, and it will control our lives no more. It will be apart of it, but with no control.

More stuffing - Less filling...

Dallas Stars, on the ice after the game.

I got to thinking last night about the last day of school pizza party. It had been raining here for two days. That meant that we couldn't have the party on the playground like we did last year. Most classes were having their parties in their class rooms. The problem with that was....they had already cleared the desks out of our class rooms. That meant all the kids would have had to eat on the floor. So they decided we would take over the cafeteria. The problem with that? Graduation finished up 10 minutes before our party. Ten minutes to go and there were still families in there. Ten minutes to go and there was nothing but rows of chairs lining the cafeteria. We had to get all the chairs folded up and moved out. Tables down. Get all the party stuff in there. My husband and I were there, so we jumped on it. Getting chairs moved and getting tables down.

I will eat your face! Zombie style...

Last night I was thinking...when our children look back on their lives the one thing they won't be able to say is that we weren't involved. Or that it was just one of us. Or only sometimes. We're in there. And not just with school stuff. We're in their lives. We're together. We are out there modifying our lives to make things easier on Tyler. We are out there doing our best to UNDERSTAND Tyler. We engage our NT daughter. We do things constantly as a family. We express love and show support. Words can be so empty if they are not followed up with see-able actions. We are a family of action. We DO things. As parents we DO things. I have never missed a single baseball game for my son. Have there been days I didn't want to go? Sure. Did I go anyway? OF COURSE!

Player & Coach - My Loves!

Looking back at my youth...my parents....my family...were  not involved. We were not a family of action. We were not a family of support. We were a family of having things. We were a family of avoiding each other. My parents never went to any of my school functions. In fact if it took place after school hours I walked myself back to school, did my function, and then walked myself back home. Not because my parents were working. They were sitting at home. We went to countless theme parks. Which we would then do virtually nothing together. The things we would do together was always done with dread. I can tell you one thing, no one ever broke out into a game of laser tag with me when we were moving. I cannot say I have a single happy memory as a family from my childhood. Do I have happy memories from my childhood? Lots! I just can't say I have one of my family doing something together and we were all happy.

Funny faces at Oktoberfest.

I decided as a youth that I didn't want to become an adult who had "things". I didn't want "things". For all the "things" I had growing up I nor my family were happy people. We try to balance our kids out between giving them the wants and letting them go a healthy amount of "without". We try to show them what matters most. We try to show them how to put value on the proper things. Value isn't the broken toy, but the person in whom you're mad at about the broken toy. We do our best to pay attention to the needs of our children. To who they are. What they are telling us. What they aren't telling us. We do our best to give them no reason to ever feel like we don't love them for who they are. That they have nowhere to turn to. Do we get some things wrong? Sure, but everyone does. Likely though....the things you think we are doing wrong are the things we are doing right.

And I think it works for us...

We are family!

**The way one learns to parent is by watching those around them. They either say "Oh, I like this parenting so I will mimic it." OR they say..."Oh, I do not like this parenting, this is what I won't do!"**