Say you. Say autism. Say it together now. Naturally.

We don't watch a lot of mainstream t.v. in this house. In fact outside of Big Bang Theory, I don't think we watch ANY mainstream t.v. So most of those "in" shows that people talk about...yeah...I have no clue what you guys are talking about. However, we do watch a lot of shows on the various Discovery Channels and the like.

Not long ago I offered up a discussion about autism and evolution. That conversation was prompted by much thinking I have done since once upon a time seeing a comment about autism being the "next" step in the evolutionary chain. That one word, "next", is what leads us to this blog today. Pesky words.

So, I was laying in bed last night, not sleeping, and my mind was roaming. It roamed right back to this topic. One of the shows we watch is a speculatory show about how things got done in ancient times. There is one guy on there who's job title just cracks me. Ancient Astronaut Theorist. That's right. He gets paid for speculating about aliens who came to Earth in our ancient history.

Mr. AAT often explains how aliens helped our ancestors complete tasks that they shouldn't have been able to complete otherwise. Things like, building the pyramids, moving the stones of Easter Island into place, and the Mayan calendar. 

Last night before going to bed I finished up a poster that I was going to post today. This poster added in my thinking last night.

So what if autism isn't the "next" step. What if it wasn't "aliens" figuring out how to get stuff done back then. What if it was autism all along? What if autism was figuring out the needs and desires of it's people then as it does now? What if our modern minds can't figure out how they did it then, because our modern minds are too adjusted to our modern advancements? What if we can't figure out how they did it, because it's not our necessity?

I once saw a show where Mr. AAT speculated that aliens levitated the rocks of Stonehenge into their positions, because clearly the rocks are too heavy for a human to carry and well it's not like they had forklifts or anything back in those day. Couldn't an autist have figured out how to get the job done with what they had available?

So....What if autism isn't the next step in our chain of evolution, because it has always been a part of our genetic make up. Perhaps, by design, autism stirs up periodically to see to advancements.

Oh, how I do LOVE to think. The possibilities are endless.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's off to homework I go!

Yet again this blog begins with a conversation with Mama.  I was telling her about my plans for the day. I was telling her that I had lost track of time this week with Tyler's homework and forgot to get it turned in on Friday so I had to help him finish that up and get it in his bag. She insisted that this sounded like prime blogging material.  So here you have it. This is how we get homework done.

Right out the gate let me start with the key to successfully getting the homework completed. Consistency. If you make the rule of homework having to be done immediately after school, having to be completed before you are allowed to do anything else, and never allow for exceptions then you are most of the way home. This rule is easy to enforce when your children are smaller and then as they get older they will be used to it. If your child is already older it will take time, but it will be accepted as they learn you are no longer budging on the mater.

When Tyler was younger there came a change in his homework routine that made getting his homework done a bit more difficult. It would get done BUT it was painful. So to encourage him to come right in and do his homework after school I allowed him to pick a snack of his choosing that he really wanted and said he could only have it if he was doing his homework while he ate it. For years every single day Tyler sat down at the table in the exact same chair with pizza rolls and did his homework. Sure much of his homework would have a few smears of pizza sauce on them, but who cares? The homework was done and with NO problems.

Last year was a bit more difficult. It was the first year of having homework that often was things that made Tyler uncomfortable. This brought us to many meltdowns. Those meltdowns were always just a necessary part of the path to emotional cleansing and acceptance. Once the emotion was washed away he could accept that this assignment made him uncomfortable BUT mommy was going to help him through it. I am straight forward with his teacher's when they are asking for something of him that he is unable of giving freely on his own and therefore that I helped with it.

This year we stay after school most days. What are we doing? We go to the library and do our homework. Once it's done we go to the playground to play. Do not hesitate to do homework some place other than home if you feel like you can use it to your advantage. If you are currently already having trouble with getting homework done this could be a helpful path for you to setting the routine and expectation for getting the job done. Many children will be hesitant to throwing a fit or having any other disagreement where other people are so close by. We do our work a school because Tyler likes being able to play some more (he's in disagreeance with the short recess time).  

In talking with Mama about homework, this is what she had to say about how she get's things done around her house:


"I will sit right beside them until it's all done and i don't flippin care if I have to sit there all. 

night. long. because every minute I'm sitting with them 

is another minute I'm sitting on my ass knocking back an alcoholic beverage "

Setting up any new routine for a child, whether on the spectrum or not, can be hard. All children will push boundaries and test limits. The key is to stick with it even when it's hard. It is only at the end of that road that easy will be found.

Be in communication with your child's teacher/s. Know what the homework schedule is. Don't be afraid to look in their backpack. If you pick your child up from school ask about the homework before leaving. Do you have it? Do you have everything you need for it? Is there anything you don't understand about it? Don't be caught at home with the excuses of "I don't understand what she wants us to do" or "I left my book in class" or "I must have forgot the paper in my desk".

Does your school use Edline? If you don't know ask about it. It is a means of knowing what is going on in your child's classroom. Class assignments, homework, dates. Then you can say, "Have you done/turned in this assignment?"

Summary:

1) Set up the rules of the new routine.

2) Offer a daily "reward" for following the routine.

3) Reinforce, daily, that they will not be able to do anything they want until the routine is completed.

4) Be informed. The more informed you are with knowledge that you did not acquire from your child the more able you are to combat against things like "I don't have any homework".

School of hard knocks!

We're a couple weeks in of a new school year. It's bound to be better than last year, right? I mean...it.has.to.be. Well, to kick off the new year I emailed the primary new teacher. That letter can be read here. I talked to her in class. Giving her a very quick run through and told her that I would send her that email to fill her in as much as possible. 

Ready to rock this party!

First day of school. I take Tyler to class and get him settled in. He sits down at his desk, places his lap pad on his lap, and sets right in to the work on his desk. With a smile on his face I leave him in good hands. When I pick him up he tells me that he likes his primary teacher just fine, but that he likes the secondary teacher more, because she rings a bell instead of raising her voice when she needs the classes attention or they are too loud.

Second day of school. Strike the above comments. She does raise her voice. In fact, this is now a daily issue. The only other problem he is having is people repeating the same question to him every day multiple times a day. They want to know about the lap pad. He doesn't want to talk about it. Since he doesn't want to talk about it they keep asking. He just wants everyone to mind their own business and forget about him and his lap pad, but they won't and he can't bring himself to talk to the teacher about it. And, just like last year, he can't bring himself to say anything to the secondary teacher about the volume because he's afraid she will only raise her voice directly at him.

Week one and two down and Tyler is mostly happy. He is really enjoying being back in school. By this time last year his secondary teacher was yelling so much that he was laying in bed crying saying he couldn't go to school. Tyler is perfectly happy going to school in the morning currently. So that tells me that the secondary teacher isn't constantly yelling like the last teacher, she is just raising her voice occasionally.

Lunch on Tuesday <3

Week three - Monday Tyler isn't feeling well but tries to go to school. After setting out from the house he decides he just wants to go back home and lay down. Tuesday everything in fine and well so off to school he goes. I pick him up and he is really upset. Awesome primary teacher pulls me aside and tells me that he flipped out over someone asking about his lap pad. I tell her well it's not so much that they asked as it is about it being a repeated theme. He gets asked about it every day and I guess he's had enough. She said she didn't know (of course because he will only talk to me). She also stated that she didn't want Tyler to become overwhelmed and that she has noticed that he is a sensitive guy. She is also working on meeting him in the middle as far as what works for him and what she needs done.

When we got home and sat down to do his homework Tyler just started crying. He felt so overwhelmed at the "mound" of work he had to catch up on from being absent the day before, and to top it off he had met his emotional limit at being asked the same question constantly. That evening I decided to email both teachers to let them know where Tyler was struggling, throw some ideas their way (including pulling him aside to ask him specific direct questions as to how his day is going therefore giving him a chance to let them know if he is having a hard time since he won't do it on his own), and putting it out there that I was open for ideas as well.

Wednesday. Tyler walked out the door and I knew either it had been a bad day or something had JUST happened. His teacher looked at me. There was a silent knowing look between us. No words were exchanged. Tyler was ready to flee the scene and talk to mom alone. He decided he wanted to go talk in the library and do his homework. So we sat down and he began dumping his emotional burden on me. They had been in the secondary classroom and the teacher called for everyone's attention. Tyler says he turned and faced her but that others in his group continued as they were. So she signed everyone in the groups folder. 

To Tyler this is a great injustice. He does not deal well with getting in trouble as a group. In his eye he was unworthy of it and that is all that matters. And by golly he wanted SO BADLY to go all year without his folder being signed. AND if he gets his folder signed too much it's going to lower his behavior grade. He was a mess. This is something we have been trying to work with him on for a long time. How do you teach them NOT to take it personally? That sometimes you do get in trouble as a group for what your neighbors did. It may not be fair, but that as long as you are doing your best those times won't be many. It doesn't matter. He was unjustly punished and now his goal is ruined.

I wish so much that I could teach how to be brave. How to not live in fear of his autism. How to say, I don't like that or I need this. But he trusts mommy. She's the one who is always there. She listens. She fixes things. And above all, no matter how bad it gets, there is still always love at then end. So why risk approaching someone who might not understand?

The Evolution of Autism

Here lately I have seen several posts about autism and vaccines. It happens. Every so often waves rise for a time and then the waters still for a bit. I've posted before on this matter. You can read that post here. That post explains my stance on the vax/autism debate. This post isn't about vaccines, but I mentioned it because it is what got me thinking about what I am about to have you reading and hopefully thinking about.

Every so often I get to thinking about a comment I saw some ages ago on some post I don't even remember anything about other than this one comment. I am not sold on this comment, but I do find it thought provoking. I do LOVE things that make me ponder. So, now I want you to ponder this with me since it didn't spark a conversation on the post I had seen the original comment on.

I think readily everyone can agree to the autism genetic factors. If you have an ASD the chances of your children having an ASD skyrocket. If you have ASD in your family but you do not have it your chances are still higher than someone who has no history. Both of you have an ASD? You just may have sealed the deal with your first kiss. Even many of those who believe in vaccine autism have said that their child showed signs of ASD before hand, but tipped over the autism edge afterwards. So, they clearly had a predisposition to ASD. We will call this genetic factor exhibit A.

It is proven that ASD's are a physical change in the brain. The wiring doesn't connect the same. The transmitters either don't relay at all or don't relay all of the expected message. So, if autism is a physical mutation of the brain it stands to reason that it would be passed down in genes. Thus explaining why the number of ASD's are increasing so much over the years. This, exhibit B, strengthens exhibit A.

I do not watch much t.v. I never have. When I do though I watch almost strictly things from the Discovery channels or like channels. I find it very thought provoking the desire to figure out how throughout time humankind has managed to come up with cutting edge advancements that seems absolutely impossible. These days people often speculate (knowing what we do now about ASD that wasn't known then) as to the great minds in our past being ASD. Can we take it back even further? Did ASD create the pyramids? Did ASD create the Mayan calendar? .... Exhibit C.

Genetic mutations happen all the time in nature. Some of them work, some of them don't. Typically when severe mutations happen the parent either kills or leaves the baby to die. Have you figured out where this is going yet? Many scientific shows ponder SUPERIOR intelligent life somewhere out there in space. What about here on Earth though? Those with ASD often show to have a superior intelligence over their counterparts.

So here is the question posed by a comment that I now ask you to ponder it for yourself. Discuss it. Debate it. Like I said, I have no sold opinion on the matter, but I do love that it makes me question it.

Is autism the next step in evolution?

The truth...is out there.

On the road to Autism

Always be ready for a fight. You might not have to, but it is better to be prepared than to be caught unaware! 

As many of my blogs start, this one begins with a conversation with Mama. We were talking about the process she is going through with her Goofy child and she asked me about my journey and how Tyler ended up with what he has. So if it's something that Mama wanted to know I imagine that there are others who could find that kind of information useful. So, let me tell you about our road to autism.

First off, knowing what I know NOW...Tyler has always showed signs of autism. I just didn't know that's what it was. I didn't know much about autism back then. I thought that he was just ADHD of your above average kind. I always knew school would be a struggle. However, that being said....After my ex-husband and I split up and I had to put Tyler into daycare so I could work and then later pre-k NO ONE, not a single soul, ever said anything about having any kind of issues with him. Which I find to be an absolute impossibility.

First year of Kindergarten. That's right FIRST year. Right off the starting line the teacher began communicating with me that there was a problem. Did he go to pre-k? He did?! There is nothing about him that would have made me think he had.... Academically Tyler was fine. In fact, he was doing great. But She said that Tyler did not recognize his classmates personal space. That he was always moving. She had to have him sit in the very back at floor time so he could have all the space he needed to fidget and move while not disturbing anyone. If you said something like "Let's get ready to go to music class" he would get ready and then leave. Alone. There were many conversations throughout that year. She was trying to hint at something to me. I knew that then, but I wasn't picking up what she was saying. She did not ever say the A word. She was a wonderful teacher who worked very hard for Tyler. I just wish she had said something more at the time.

Second year of Kindergarten. The first year teacher had said Tyler would do perfectly fine moving on to first grade academically, but that she worried about his other very severe struggles leaking over to academics as he became frustrated with his struggles. So I decided to hold him back to see if he could mature enough in another year to move on without any problems. This year was a wash. This teacher was not a bad teacher she was just very quiet and did not do much talking to any of the parents outside of the parent/teacher conferences.

First grade. This is when things started to kick up. This teacher was amazing. I loved her. I talked to her every single day. Every day they would walk out and she'd say: You will NOT believe what your boy said/did today. It was one of those things where you never knew what she was going to say, but you just knew you'd believe it when she said it. She recognized that Tyler needed more. So she got him involved with an independent study thing at school. He got kicked out because he couldn't be quiet in the library and became a distraction. So she got the work for him and let him do it in class. She recommended to me that I get him into this other thing the following year that he couldn't be kicked out of. I decided against it anyways, because I just don't think those kind of classes would mesh well with how Tyler is at this time although he could handle it academically. It was in this year that someone (not school related) finally dropped the A word at me.

So I began doing my research. What is this? I cannot even begin to express the elation we went through at discovering the autism connection. Up to this point Tyler had been being very unsuccessfully treated for ADHD. I threw the A word down at one of his appointments. The Dr readily said that yes Tyler does indeed display autistic tendencies. You should tell the school, they can test him. You could have him tested yourself but this can be expensive. So I recommend you tell the school.

Second grade. They gave Tyler this teacher because she was supposedly VERY good in this area. I had problems galore with that woman. She refused to talk to me. If I asked her something she would tell me to talk to Tyler about it. Hello?!!! Have you been paying attention at all during out 504 meetings? Sent in a paper for her to fill out (an autism rating scale survey thing) so I could give it to his Dr...never got it back. Thanks for another wasted year. She may have been good with kids, but she sucked with me and personally I don't think she did that great with Tyler.

Third grade. This year was bitter sweet. At this point they decided to give the kids a primary teacher and then have them go to a secondary teacher for the last part of the day. First teacher...I liked her. She was quiet. If you talked to her, she talked to you. Second teacher? Could.Not.Stand.Her. Not only was she very loud (which caused Tyler great struggles all year including not wanting to go to school) she was just *sighs* a bitch. She was one of those people that she was the end all be all. Her way or no way. She started denying Tyler recess and didn't tell anyone. When I found out and told the principle about it she got in trouble for it :) She got yelled at in our IEP meeting. She got in trouble by the district for saying that Tyler didn't have autism. Everyone got in trouble for that, because they all said it.

At any rate. I had several wasted years. I thought throwing down the A word during our meetings was enough to get them going. Maybe with some it would be, but at my school they weren't biting. They repeatedly insisted to me that they knew what autism was and that it wasn't Tyler. I submitted a letter from a second Dr saying that he tested Tyler and that he was indeed on the spectrum. It was at this point that they agreed to have the districts team come out and test him to prove to me that he wasn't. In this regard, my advice to you is: If you have your suspicions that your child is on the spectrum and your school does not offer to test when you mention it....submit a letter tot hem formally requesting the teasting to be done. They will have to comply to that. The battle that I fought with the school over the years, as hard, frustrating, and hurtful as it was at times was worth it in the end.

Because of my fight, because of them getting yelled at for what they said about Tyler, the day they were told of Tyler's official classification with the district they walked up to a dear friend of mine and told her that maybe her son should be tested. The two of them have been in class together since the second year of Kindergarten. So the fight you face not only is for YOUR child. It paves the way for those behind you. This other boy whereas in a lot of ways is a lot like Tyler, he also isn't much like him at all. Tyler is VERY out there. This boy is more quiet. But that in itself is the point. Autism is a spectrum disorder. Knowing one person with it is...knowing one person. What works for some will not work for all. Autism manifests itself differently in different people, but with some similarities. 

Tyler's classification in the school is Autism with a secondary language impairment.