Dear Children: A mother's only wish for her kids.

I spend a lot of time with my kids these days in the school environment. I chaperon the parties and the field trips. These days I spend a lot of time with my teenage daughter and her peers as they travel for competitions. This weekend has really opened my eyes as a parent as to what it is that I want for my kids. Only one thing. Let me tell you about it.

When I was a kid I was not socially dependent on my peers. I did not obey any of the social laws that bind the school yard. I was able to talk to the boys that the girls wanted to date, because I had no interest in dating them. I was pleasant enough that anyone from any social group felt that I was approachable.  The only people who didn't like me were those at the top of the social ladder, and well, I didn't care.

I grew up in a hostile environment. It was hostile on many levels, and often there were hard decisions that had to be made. Countless times I was left picking the better of two pretty crappy choices. BUT, there was something I knew, even then, that was going to save me. They could have my body. They could bend it, break it, leave it for dead if they so like. BUT they could not have ME.

I was defiant in that manner. I was untouchable. At least, in the sense that mattered to me. I was locked away in a place that no one could ever reach me. Any physical abuse left little to no scaring. Verbal or emotional only left behind some bad habits I taught myself for self defense. Unlearning those habits took time and patience on my husband's part, and perhaps he developed a little tougher skin.

My kids are socially awkward. Tyler having the mark of Autism is buzzing about like a very annoying bee. Mostly Tyler doesn't really care about being WITH people as much as he just hates being ALONE. Hope on the other hand is a very odd creature. She's VERY much dependent on her social peers. Social circles guide her like a daily newspaper horoscope. Yet, at the same time it's not so pressing that she worries about the clothes she wears or if she's brushed her hair. She also lives in two worlds at once. Reality and her make believe universe constantly overlap and get tangled in a mess together. She often can't tell the two apart, giving her false memories, and this has had numerous effects on her socially.

This weekend, while traveling with the teenager for a competition, I had a very interesting text message conversation with Tyler that really drove my wish home for me. As part of the team I have to sit on one side of the gym with the other teams. Regular spectators sit on the other side. The hubs, Tyler, and the grandparents came to watch Blonde Eyes perform. I went over during a break to say hello to them. Tyler wanted to come back and sit with me. This had nothing to do with me. It was all about wanting something he couldn't have. Which was sitting on the other side. I returned to my seat...alone.

I sat in my seat and watched the performances and read my book while they switched out or as a performance lost my interest. Tyler began texting me.

Mom, why are you sitting all alone?

Because, no one likes me :) Oh well, their loss!

But Mom, you're all alone.

I'm never alone. I have me! What more do I need?

This was more a testament to Tyler's own fears of being alone than him not wanting me to be alone, but I suppose if you didn't know any better it would seem very sweet on his part.

But this is my wish:

Dear Children,

   If I could wish upon you one gift. Only one. That would bless you in a way as to serve you well your whole life through, I would not wish upon you wealth or even health but SELF. To know who you are, to be comfortable in your skin, to love you, and to be able to let the dirt roll off that those whom don't matter will throw at you. No tool in this world will be as handy. No weapon will defend you more. Drape it over you as a suit of fine armor. The great people of this world are called to stand alone. Be ready. Stand tall. And just be YOU.