Split families and extracurricular activities.

My ex-husband and I split up when Tyler was just 3. I suppose in the big picture that was about the best time for it to happen. You won't hear me mention my ex-husband much and when you do it is usually in passing. I've enclosed a few disclaimers at the bottom of a post saying that what I said was not about him and shouldn't be seen as a slight against him. I just don't want anyone to read my posts and think that I am slyly saying something ugly about him. I'm not. If I have something to say....I'll say it.

When we split up I had this insane notion that we could be friends. I didn't want to fake it. Kids are too smart for that. Friends turned out to be too ambitious. There isn't a whole lot of instances where I'd give him a high five. I don't think he gives me a whole lot of reasons to like him as a person. I think there are a lot of things he could be doing better for Tyler and by way of helping out with Tyler. Fighting is tiresome though. So I just let him do whatever and take whatever he's willing to give.

My ex-husband and I don't agree on much it seems when it comes to Tyler and what is good for him, what he needs, or how to do things. In fact, I don't even think I could come up with one thing. We do make a good effort to work out holidays, birthdays, and special events. I have always been the one to make a big hooha about these things. Now that I am remarried it's even more of a big deal. My mother-in-law makes an even bigger fuss than I do and my brother-in-law comes in from his 3000 mile buffer zone. We do a lot of activities during those times. And I do something for Tyler's birthday every year.

If you follow our page then you know how much Tyler loves baseball. He plays most of the year. Between the two seasons there is only a couple of months where Tyler doesn't have anything to do on the weekends. This wasn't always the case. My husband Jason played baseball as a kid, and he even played for a time as an adult. I wanted to get Tyler into something, but with him being gone every other weekend I didn't want him to be missing out on half of everything. It seemed so wrong to do that to a little kid. So, I put it off.

One day it finally came out. The Ex and I were arguing. Who knows about what. And I just told him. I'd LOVE to let him do something, but I don't want him to be missing out on half of it. So he snapped back at me, just do it and we'll work it out! Well fine...spring baseball here we come. I don't include him in any of the details. I don't tell him how much I spend on it. This is something that my husband and I do for Tyler. If the Ex wants to contribute to it he's more than welcome to, but I'm not asking. My in-laws usually ask if Tyler is in need of any new equipment from season to season. So my Ex helping isn't going to make or break Tyler's season. I always pay Tyler's fees but I know that if I couldn't the grandparents would be more than happy to take care of it.

There is a boy on our team who comes from a split family. Like with my Ex and myself... they do not get along. They can't even come to some kind of playing field where on his weekend the boy could play baseball. So he doesn't get the practice that the other boys do, and he misses half of the games. This weekend we have two games and he'll miss both of those. It's pretty sad, and it's had me thinking lately.

I don't think my Ex likes me. I don't feel like he appreciates all that I do to make things happen for our son. I don't think he understands or appreciates what I have to do to get Tyler the help he needs for his autism or the amount of money we have to spend on therapy and sensory tools to make his life better. I don't think he appreciates how good of a job Jason does with Tyler. How much of his heart and soul has been poured into raising him. As I have stated, I too struggle to find things to like about my Ex. It's a hard place to be in. BUT...

There is one thing that my Ex does give to Tyler. There is one thing that my Ex makes me happy over. True to his word....he let's Tyler play baseball. During one off season Tyler played basketball, and he let him play that too. No matter the issues my Ex and I might have with one another.....he shortens his weekends, or skips them all together, because Tyler wants to play baseball. Each spring and fall season after I get the schedule I snap a shot of it and text it over to him. I tell him when we are having practices that season. And we set a basic plan for the season and then wing it as needed (rainouts and such).

A thought came to me recently. It wasn't in regards to my Ex but it fits just as well here. I have a nephew that wants to come see me and was disappointed to find that he wasn't going to be allowed to. The thought came to me...there are times, as a parent, that you will have to allow your child to do something, even if you don't like it, because if you don't... there will come a time when your child will leave, and not come back. If you want to strengthen your relationship with your child to the point that they remember you when they are grown, then you must accept that they have desires outside your own. They care for things that you do not. You cannot speak unkindly of the things they love or allow for others around you to do so. And sometimes you have to let them do something that you wouldn't choose for them.

So to my Ex (whom does read my blogs)...Thank you. Thank you for letting him play. He sometimes struggles with transitioning between our houses and sometimes he's a bit of a mental mess when he's on the field....but thank you for letting him have that.