Where are you Christmas?

What a  gorgeous day it is today. The sun is shining, the bite in the cold air is gone, and there is a feeling that I can't quite put my finger on that is stirring inside. I'm in a good mood. Not that good moods are rare, but this is something a bit more special than just a good mood. What is this?

For years now I've gravitated towards a particular Christmas song. It's one of the few modern Christmas songs that I like. "Where are you Christmas" from the movie The Grinch who stole Christmas. I have a really happy and blessed life, but for some reason there has been a feeling that has been missing at Christmas time. What made the matter worse was the seemingly no reason for the feeling to be lacking.

Yet, here I am today, twelve days from Christmas and I am pretty sure that is the feeling stirring within me. Something from long ago, like an old friend, that you finally meet with again. You're both a bit unsure. You say your hellos and try to feel the situation out. You want to dive in and act like the time was never lost and no one is ever going anywhere ever again....but, you just don't know.

Where did this feeling go? Why was it gone for so long? Why is it back just now? Does any of it even matter at all? I'm not so sure that it does. Shouldn't I just throw caution to the wind and embrace this feeling for as long as it may last?

It's not that I don't have problems. Because...I have problems. I have debt. I have a middle of the barrel single income. I feel tired and strung out from all the strings that are pulling me in different directions. I wish my husband and I dated more, but time can be so hard to come by. So, what's changed?

My relationship with my mother has improved. We're not as close as we once were, but we call each other from time to time to check and to say we love each other. That's more than what it had been. The relationship between my daughter and I has vastly closened. She has one temporary mental break down and WHAM! Now we're like BFF's with the occasional reminder that I am still the parent in the relationship.

I've had a pep in my step all day. One that had been swallowed up in a rut for ages. I've bopped along, getting my stuff done, and done it quietly as to not disturb the hubby while he works. The mailman came to the door with Hope's early birthday present and he was chipper and OMG life is beautiful out here, come outside! And I didn't think him crazy. It's in the air. 

I have tried to instill into my children that Christmas isn't about presents that it's about a feeling. The spirit of Christmas is what truly matters. Troubles and worries aside, it's about what's on the inside.

These are tough times for many families, and my family is no different. But I have found Christmas. Right where it has always been. Right where it should always be. In the feeling of family. A feeling that can be found on Christmas, and every other day of the year. One most only look a little deeper for it.