I'm a Pod surrounded by People...

As parents we so often proclaim the desire to be around other real live grown ups. To talk about something other than Blue's latest clue or what Dora has been exploring. We crave to be around our own peers. We long for just an hour or two of no kids....

Yeah, not me. Not so much.

This past weekend I spent an entire day around mostly teenagers. Yeah, I don't like them either. It's a group of overall good kids, but the fact that they act in a way that I am most certain they wouldn't dare act in front of their parents yet do it in front of me is off putting. I'm actually a bit of a push over with my kids. I let them do things that other parents wouldn't let their kids do. My kids know there is a line though and that those things aren't always appropriate. 

Like: This weekend while I was teasing Hope she chunked her wallet at me. Someone said OMG, I would be in so much trouble if I did that. *shrugs* We were playing, and she hit me in the arm. You're mad, throw something at me, and hit me in the face....? I will kill you.

These kids cuss. A lot. Very openly, and loudly. I find that to be more as a fault on the teacher for allowing it. I understand that kids are kids and will say things around friends that they wouldn't say around their parents, but uhhh...I am a parent. Watch your mouth, and please stop humping the air. o.O

Then it was topped off with grownups. Not just any grownups though. STRANGERS. A whole day around strange adults and no social crutch (my husband). I find adults to be like discovering a new species of creature that is both fascinating and repulsive. I sit back and watch them interact with one another.

That's a stupid behavior.

That's a stupid behavior.

Look at that posturing.

Look at the social conformity taking place.

Is that really necessary?

Well, that's a really stupid behavior.

I try to advert my gaze so I'm not staring and hopefully they do not mistake my watching as a desire to be involved. I constantly pick my demon throughout the day. I follow the teenagers and leave the grownups to linger around and have that adult time. Without me.

At the end of the trip one mom hugged the other mom while saying the whole "nice to meet you" bit. I thought, Oh gawd...she's a hugger. PLEASE don't touch me. I was relieved when I discovered that apparently she at least isn't an indiscriminate hugger, and I had failed to make a hug worthy connection with her.

Do not get me wrong. All these people were nice people, and I have no complaints about any of them. Nevertheless, watching them interact with one another is still very bizarre for me, and I have no desire to make any connections with them. 

It actually reminds me of a Seinfeld episode that was on last night. Jerry is trying to explain something to Kramer, and well Kramer is NOTHING like any of his friends. Jerry tells him, you see you wouldn't understand, because...you're a Pod. Being around people, especially people I don't know, makes me feel like a Pod.

I do manage around people much better online though. Which would account for me being able to socialize and maintain hundreds of people on facebook. 

After this weekend my husband says I need to wear this shirt to all the events I have to go to. If you would like one you can buy it from http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/c9ba/

Self Fulfilling Punishment: A lesson in fixing myself.

I've been in a funk. For a long time actually. Let me try to give some back story so that just maybe you could understand. Like most things in an adults life, this story starts in childhood.

As a kid I was always pretty neat. I can only remember one time as a small child my mother coming in to clean my room. When I was in the third grade I finally had my very own room. I was the youngest and was given the smallest room in the house. By forth grade my brother was forced to give up his bigger room in trade for my smaller room. I was in Heaven. Everything had a place, and everything stayed in it's place.

Compliments weren't passed around in my house for anything. When my parents got divorced my older sister moved in with her boyfriend, my older brother spent most of his time staying with friends, and that left my mother and I alone. I was an honor student in advanced classes, and I'd come home and clean up the house and get a pot of coffee made for my mom. I got compliments all the time over how good I was at cleaning. The only compliments I was ever paid.

Fast forward some years and I had a very jerk boyfriend. He was very verbally and physically abusive. I stayed because it was better than going back home. He'd come home and take his shirt off followed by throwing it over the back of the chair in the living room. If the next day he came in and that shirt was still there he'd yell at me for how filthy the house was. Never mind the fact that the only thing "dirty" about the house was the shirt and the rinsed out bowl in the sink from the soup I had for lunch, because I spent the whole day in bed sick.

Fast forward some more years. My daughter Hope is a Kindergartner, Tyler is a toddler, and I watch other peoples toddlers out of the house. I thought that despite all those little kids the house was pretty clean. Sure, I couldn't keep the toys up ALL the time, I didn't always have time to get the clothes out of the dryer, but I thought I was still doing a good job. My husband didn't think so. He always complained how terrible everything looked and how I only ever cleaned if company was coming over. The only thing I did different for company than any other time was make sure they didn't step on any Lego's.

Fast forward again and I am in the best relationship I've ever been in. My husband wouldn't hurt the feelings of a fly. There is no one in this world who has lower expectations of me than him. If I honestly NEVER cleaned house, he wouldn't say anything. He'd do it himself if it needed to be done.

For the first year or so of our living together relationship I cleaned the same as I always did. Our house was always clean, not accounting for the bedrooms of the children. Although I regularly made and helped them do it. Somewhere along the way, I just couldn't take it anymore. I'd go to cook dinner and the dishes wouldn't be where they belonged. It was a day in and day out process of fixing everything, because everyone was being messy and for the first time ever someone was HELPING and was doing it....wrong.

So, ever since I have been in and out of a funk. Battling between the state of the house is driving me crazy, BUT they are "taking advantage of me" is driving me more crazy. Here lately the funk is all encompassing. I'm really kind of upset about everything in my life. And really it comes back to the house. If I was happy with it, everything else would be small potatoes....I think.

Earlier this week I wrote about the Laundry Nazi. My husband got a good chuckle out of it, and then said "What about the kitchen?" *sighs* That's when I said it. That's when I laid it out there. There are things I want done and I'm not happy with the way they're done, but I feel like I can't do it because y'all are "taking advantage of me." Seriously? Did I just tell this laid back, not a care in the world, whatever makes you happy, man that I think he (and the kids) take advantage of my compulsive habits? Yeah....I did.

He ever so gently explained to me that it's not taking advantage of someone when they want things done a certain way and they think no one else can do it right.

Who am I punishing? My ex's for being total jerks to me? For being mean to me and never offering to help with what they claimed I was doing an unsatisfactory job with? They don't care. They didn't care then. Why would they care now? Am I punishing myself? Am I self fulfilling every bad thing anyone has ever said about me? What kind of crap is that?! Am I punishing the best guy I've ever known?  Heck no. 'Cus he loves me regardless and doesn't care if I'm Suzy Homemaker or not.

I have seriously just been punishing myself. I've made myself unhappy with me and it reflects off of everything else in my life.

I get mad because I tell someone to go hang up their coat in the hall closet, and when I look in after them it looks like a bomb went off in there. I get mad when I go to get a dish and can't find it because it's somewhere it doesn't belong or when I go to get something and have to fight through a bajillion things in front of it that don't belong there. I get mad when I stack things so that they all fit just so, and I open the cabinet to find an avalanche. I get mad, and I squish it inside.

I then squish myself inside. I set myself up to have things that wouldn't be so bad affect me as if they were big things, because I've weakened my self image over this. I tell myself that now there's nothing that can be done over it. New habits are formed, and the husband works from home so I have to be quiet. I lock myself in my bedroom so I don't disturb him while he works.

My husband came to me today and begged to help. Just tell him what's wrong so he can fix it. UGH! It's NOT you. It's ME. I am seriously broken. I have to fix this. I broke it. I have to find it in me to fix it. So, I downloaded a music app onto my phone. Grabbed a pair of headphones. Stuck my phone in my pocket with the headphones in, and then put my ear defenders on over the top of them. Now I can't hear him, and he can't hear the jams.

I am on a mission. I've got to get back to me. I've got to FIX the damage that I let people who don't mean anything to me cause. I've got to fix the damage I caused to myself. I'm going to let the sun back in. This weekend I'm going to fix me while I fix all the details about my house that I don't like. Cabinets, baseboards, dusting, walls and doors... It's all about the details. With each detail I fix on the outside I can and will fix details on the inside.

They are not taking advantage of me!

Now that I've gotten that off my chest. I've got some more walls that need scrubbing.

ASD and Video Games

So, first thing this morning Mama sent me a message:

This school. they send an e-mail it says in the subject line "Internet Gaming- Night for

Parents".... then it's an invitation to discuss the danger of students being online.

I must say. This got my panties in all sorts of a bunch. I have a really strong stance on video

games. Anti video game propaganda really ticks me off. There is no "proof" or "science"

behind anything that the say. It's all fear mongering. And who doesn't hate fear mongering?

I've talked before about the science behind why video games are actually GOOD before. I

I touched on the why video games are so needed in the ASD community. I re-read that post

this morning. Let me go over some points I didn't mention in that past post. Let me try to dig a little deeper.

Social:

As an adult I can say that face to face contact with more than a couple of people whom are

KNOWN to me is very hard. I feel all cringy inside. I'm never quite sure what to say. I

ponder multiple different replies and try to pick the best one. I will talk the least of the

group. Sometimes I feel like I have something to say about what they are talking about

but I won't say anything because I don't know when is the right time to step in. Everyone

gets all jabbery and I just nod my head unless they actually turn and look at me and ask me

something directly.

I use to work. I got up in the morning, got my kids off to school, and I worked. When the day was done I would collect my kids, go home, and once that door was closed the outside world no longer existed to me. Where was I going to meet people? How would I ever form

relationships with anyone? It didn't look very promising.

I met my husband, whom was living the same kind of life I was (minus the kids part), playing an online video game. We became super good friends and played all the time together. While other people might be having themselves a drink, going out, doing I don't even know what, we were both sitting safely at home socializing in the way that is the most comfortable to us.

Brain Power:

Whether the game is being played on a computer or a console such as the Xbox 360, Wii, or

Play Station, the amount of hand eye coordination needed to complete tasks inside a video

game are pretty impressive. Just to perform most jumps you have to have exact timing

and certain games have different mechanics (do you lightly single jump? are you suppose to

double jump?) Jumping often is really stinking hard, and I'm known for....lacking in that

department.

You have to have problem solving skills. Not even just a little bit of it either. You need a LOT of problem solving skills. If you don't have them, you're going to have to create them. This is a mandatory requirement of ALL games. No matter the style. No matter the objective. You will HAVE to be able to figure out how to do things, where to go, what is needed, and any given number of unknown factors.

Also, if it is a multiplayer game they will have to develop some high powered team skills.

Each player has to have an understanding as to what their character is suppose to be

providing for the group, and how to work with the other members to accomplish a goal. If it

is a combat style game it would be rather hard to slay a dragon if the person responsible for

healing the teammates doesn't...heal. Some puzzle games require multiple people to complete different tasks at the same time in different areas in order (let's say) for the door to open.

Any game. Any style. Remember? By it's nature the game Angry Birds is a puzzle game. Did

you know that? At the beginning of each level it tells you you have X amount of birds, BUT to actually be able to complete the level will all stars you have to clear it only using Y amount of birds AND you have to complete all objectives (knocking things over, getting the pigs..). You have to stop and think about how you're going to do that. You have to try things, and start over to retry other things. You have to take what you learned from one puzzle on to the next puzzle.

Physical:

We all want our kids to get some physical activity. Most kids don't get outside much. This has been a whole different subject. Most kids don't get the outside time primarily because no one feels like they can trust the outside world anymore. Throw in the fact our community here is a community of special needs kids who most have trouble making good and or SAFE decisions and then they really aren't going to be going outside anyways.

With today's video games they can get all kinds of physical activities within the safety of your home. MANY games these days use your body. You can't even sit on your butt and play video games anymore just about. Like a week ago a downloaded a trial of the Xbox game Kinectimals. HOLY COW! Cute little game about having cute little exotic animals for pets? hahahaha...yeah, no. That game tried to kill me. I'm not a spring chicken anymore, ya know? I had to run with my animals, I had to jump with him, I had to spin in circles... Just a real "Monkey see, monkey do" kind of deal. If that doesn't get your heart pumping. I don't know what will...

Bottom Line:

I'm not saying let's do 24/7 video games. I'm not saying use video games to replace

everything in your kids life. What I am saying is that video games aren't evil, and you

shouldn't ask yourself "How do I get my kid to stop playing video games?" Your kids are

learning, they are growing, and they are communicating in the least stressful way to them.

(PLEASE go back to the top and click on the link to the previous post about video games. I

talked a lot about the communication part in that post.)

Monitor the types of games you buy. If you aren't up to speed on games, ask someone who

is. Have healthy rules. The option for video game play is part of our daily schedule. If you

want to play video games you can do it during this time frame. A constant rule we have is

that when you are told to get off, it's right then, with no problems, or next time it's no game.

We will accept a moment of "finishing" whatever is currently being done and a save. Sooo,

you have about a minute.

Your child can build life long REAL relationships with people through video games. Aside

from my husband I have met and maintain several other friendships with people I have

"met" in the same manner.

Like many things in life: Video games are neither good or bad. It's how they're used that determines that.

Because science should be fun!

I haven't exactly had the best of luck with school projects this year. The ones that were done on time were sent home with the stamp of "unsatisfactory" and the sentiment of "You can finish it over the weekend and turn it in on Monday, but it's going to be counted as late." Seriously? This stuff has been intense. Then there are other projects that I had limited or incorrect info on. They received the same sentiment of "You can do the project over the weekend, but it's late and will be graded accordingly."

Then came the book report presentation. We worked so hard on that thing. Adding more and more words. Rambling on about nothing because you weren't allowed to give away anything important. Dude, they're 10. What kind of books could they be reading that they could talk about for 3 to 5 minutes without giving anything important away? We drug it on. I got him up to 4 minutes JUST in case he talked too fast in class. Hopefully it was long enough to still be over 3 minutes.

We worked on delivering the speech effectively. It was stated that they were not allowed to just read from the paper. They needed to be looking up. HAHAHAHAHA! Are you kidding me? Please tell me you're joking. No? Are you sure? You're serious? CRAP! I wrote it on cards so that he could use the moment between changing out to look UP not necessarily AT people.

He talked faster in class, but still got over (barely) 3 minutes. He must have looked up just enough. He had all of the papers required. NO deductions! Not a single one. A perfect 100%. We so needed that. It's been the only 4 week project we've nailed.

Which brings us to the Science project.

I decided on something very simple. Just testing out magnetic fields. We have the North and South Poles emitting a magnetic field. What materials does that field travel through? Does anything block it? So, we go small scale. Got some magnets. Rounded up different types of materials. Then we tested to see if the magnets were still attracting to one another through the material.

We had all of our notes done. Our tests done. Pictures taken. Now we just need to print it all out and get it on our board. Easy right? o.O

So, I get my printer out. I have a really nice printer. It does all kinds of things. It even prints out pictures on picture papers. Since we moved it's been sitting in it's travel bag. It came with a travel bag! Right before the move I had changed out the ink. All is ready to go. Just have to plug that kitten up.

Yeah. No. All the papers came out blank. And no amount of troubleshooting, cleaning, taking apart and putting it back together was helping. In fact. The more we cleaned and the more we troubleshooted the less and less ink I had.

So I go over to the grandparents house and use their computer to get everything typed up and printed out as well as getting the pictures done.

Back at home we get everything cut up, and we have our construction paper ready. I tell Tyler to get a glue stick (spreads on smooth and clear). He comes back with a bottle of regular glue, swears up and down there is no glue sticks (I still can't believe that but I've seen no evidence proving otherwise). Someone has run off with all my glue sticks. Great. So we use the regular glue to glue all of our papers down to the construction papers. 

BUT regular glue leaves visible streaks through the papers and they dry a bit curled. Fine. Whatever. Let's just get this done. We were going to include the magnets and the materials so that people could test it themselves as they looked at it. Yeah, but that's when Tyler lost the magnets. All SIX of them. 

Just.forget.it. All that's left is taping down the papers to the board.

*insert running out of tape*

I begin telling my sorrows to Mama when from behind me I can hear a VERY naughty kitteh. *looks over shoulder* Anakin is sitting with his back to me on top of the board that is sitting on my bed, and is SHREDDING one of the papers that hasn't been taped down yet. ARE.YOU.KIDDING.ME?!?! Forget it. The scared paper will add character. Right?

Oh well. One perfect project is all one really needs.

Verbal vs Non-Verbal: The highs and lows.

Last night I mentioned how Tyler doesn't do so good at description type conversations. Feel free to quickly check it out, it's very short. It really got me thinking, again. Where is my place in this autism world? Do I really fit in? Do I really have a place to say anything? I live in the 'high' end of town. We're like Pod People. We look like everyone else, but under the surface... we're really just 'low' end people wearing a 'high' end outfit we picked up at the local Goodwill.

There are always sides. Gosh, it get's so tiring. Why are we pitting ourselves against each other? We argue over who is lower or higher functioning. We fight over who has it better or worse. We fight over whether "curing" is right or wrong. There is just too much knocking your neighbors down that goes on. And with that said, I'm going to throw out some of my feelings that may not be so favorable. But they are MY feelings.

Some people might say, "Well, at least your kid can talk. I'd give anything to hear my child say 'I love you mom'".... I can understand that. I really can. But I assure you, no one knows that Tyler loves them by anything that he says. They know Tyler loves them by the things he does, by the look on his face, and the visible joy behind both. Yeah, Tyler talks. Tyler tells me he loves me. BUT, Tyler speaks in scripts. Does he love me? You better believe it. Is he saying he loves me from a random feeling of love that makes him want to share it? No.

Anyone who knows Tyler personally knows that Tyler has the same script that he closes off every phone conversation with. It's really adorable, long, and...scripted. He's used it for as long as he's been capable of saying those words (which is a long stinkin' time now).

I love you.

I miss you.

I love you, I miss you, bye.

Bye.

It doesn't matter if you saw him 2 minutes before and will see him again in 5 minutes, and he was just calling to ask you if while at the store if we needed anything besides milk. Doesn't matter. You get the whole script. And that's great right? I mean, at least he's saying those words. That's more than some might get. Who cares that it's not said out of emotion? It's great, don't get me wrong.... it's just.... it's not what's important.

I know how Tyler feels and what he wants NOT based on anything he says. More often than not Tyler is reduced to the same tugging and pulling and pointing action that non verbal autistics do when they want something. You know something is wrong with him the same way you'd know something is wrong in someone non verbal. His actions.

What if you had a spouse who said 'I love you' solely on autopilot? Would it mean so much?

Autisticness aside, as people we are all the time saying that we want people to SHOW us that they love us not just say it. In the autism world we say just the opposite. We say stop SHOWING me you love me, and just TELL me.

Like I said, I get it. I do. What I want you to understand though, is that the verbal/non verbal isn't so important. You hold yourself down. You tell yourself how you'd give anything to hear them say 'I love you'...but they are. Every.single.day. Stop trying to listen with your ears.

Whether or not you believe I have any place in this autism community I want you to know that if you put aside the verbal/non verbal stuff.... I fight the same battles as everyone else does every day.

Let's stop trying to one up each other on battle scars. Let's be friends. Let's lend a hand. Give some support. Lend an ear. A shoulder. Something, Anything. Because I promise you, that even in the high end of town, there's trash to be taken out. There's tears being shed. There's hopelessness being felt. We get the same uneducated comments about our kids that you get about yours.

What's the real point here? Two things really:

1) I want you (the parent of someone non verbal) to not feel so bad about your child not speaking words through their mouth. I PROMISE you they are speaking words through their eyes, face, hands, and hearts.

2) I also want acceptance from others. I want to erase the lines that say we are fighting separate battles, and that we don't share any commonality because my kid can talk.

The Laundry Nazi: A journey in OCD.

I've never really called myself OCD, or even thought of myself as being "particular" about certain things. However, if anything will make you look at yourself in that way - it's having a spouse who hits every.single.nerve. you have over it. First, a little back story:

First, I was in a car accident that at best almost left me with only one arm. If you look at the scars you can see that there was only about 2 inches in the back of my arm that wasn't cut, and my arm was broken at the elbow (so, it was almost twisted off). It makes it a little hard to hold any kind of weight in that hand. Secondly, for the past 5 years we've lived in an apartment that didn't have washer/dryer hookups in it. That means our laundry was having to be carried to the community laundry room once a week. So, I've had to deal (that word is very appropriate) with my husband doing the laundry. 

Hey, you can't complain right? Never washing or drying the laundry. Heck he even folds and puts away. Every woman's dream right? Well...not mine. But *shrugs* as I said, one can't really complain when someone else is going that mile for you. We moved a few months back though into a townhouse. And holy crap on a cracker the parentals gave us a washer/dryer for Christmas. Let the adventures begin!

My husband is now been barred from ever doing laundry again. Oh happy day for him right? Yeah, except he's the helpful sort. Oh happy day for me right? o.O Yeah, not so much.

I wash a load of laundry. Dry it. Immediately take it out and fold/hang/put away. I've really been in a sick kind of Heaven the last month. Yesterday as I was doing laundry I told the husband that I hadn't left a single load in the dryer ONCE since getting it. Nor had I even taken them out and thrown them in a basket. BUT, by golly I really didn't feel like matching the socks. 

*Husband busts onto the scene with an S on his chest and a cape flowing in the breeze like a real modern day super hero* DUN DUN DAH! Saving damsels in laundry room distress is what I live for!

So, we get the whites out of the dryer. I put the load that's in the washer into the dryer, and get to work on putting in a new load. The husband sits down with the whites and gets busy. The problem with this? There is more than just socks in that load of whites. I looked over my shoulder and saw a white towel folded and cringed at the sight of it's "no particular reason" style. I looked up at him and cringed at the sight of the white shirt in his hands. STOP FOLDING THINGS!!! Just...just match socks. 

I go over and fix the towel, and take all of the non socks away. 

Ok. I have lived in almost complete silence over the years of his laundry habits. The occasional "Are you effing kidding me" comment, but mostly silent. Can't complain when someone else is doing the work. But seriously, if I had ever thought that I might have been a TAD particular about the laundry.....he makes me fee like an OCD lunatic. Each item has a manner in which to be folded, and no matter how big or small a piece might be, it gets folded the same way based on what it is.

Towel = fold in half (long ways so you have more or lessly a squareish shape), then fold into thirds.

Shirt = Folded in half (so that the sleeves meet), sleeves folded in, then folded in half.

Boy underwear = folded in thirds, and then in half.

Girl underwear = folded in half (bottom to top) and then in thirds.

Pants and shorts = folded in half long ways, and then folded in half the other way.

Hanging things up? OH.MY.GOSH. Looking at my closet currently makes me REALLY sad and cringey. But hey, when someone else is doing the work? YOU CAN'T REALLY COMPLAIN! 

Tanks/sleeveless
Short sleeved
Long sleeved
Skirts
Pants/capris
Seasonal

And each section is hung up color coded. Except, every time I FIX the closet *cough* someone *cough* hangs stuff up in a completely RANDOM order. Not only are the colors and the styles random....who they belong to is random. My clothes are in his closet, his clothes are in my closet....

No one has ever helped me with the laundry before. And when my kids were little I may have not always been so good about getting the clothes out of the dryer. BUT now that I have full ability to do laundry as I see fit, and have someone willing to help with the laundry... I have never been more aware of the fact that I am a Laundry Nazi!!

Daily Schedule Charts

To work on her self-esteem.

Finding it in you to trust your child.

Last night I said "Sometimes, no matter how hard it is....you've got to let them grow up. You've got to give them enough room to fly, with enough rope to hang themselves." I also promised to explain myself in a blog post. So, hear me out...

In our community of special needs children it can be really hard to let our babies grow up. To let them be out there on their own and hope that they manage alright. There are so many unknown probabilities. And WHAT IF they can't handle it? I mean, look at the rest of their lives. Eating little else besides canned spaghetti, needs someone to turn on and adjust the water in order to bathe or shower, needing constant reminders just to achieve daily goals. Surely, someone who needs so much help and is so restricted, can't be left to their own devices. To be trusted to do something without anyone looking.

I have two kids. Everyone knows about Tyler and his autisticness. What about Blonde Eyes? I suspect she's NT but she has some major self esteem issues. And it's caused a lot of problems. It's caused mom and dad lots of worry and fears of her being out on her own and having to make the right choices when no one is looking. Does that mean you don't give her the chance? When she gets tangled up in the rope you gave her does it mean you don't cut her loose, and after a time give her some more rope? We go through this rinse and repeat process with her.

However, no matter what we continue on. We love her. And we are determined to strengthen her. Whatever that takes.

What about Tyler? In a lot of ways he's pretty darn trust worthy these days. He's not the wanderer that he was when he was a toddler. You know, where they sit there not saying anything and then suddenly a thought occurs to them that they are going to go somewhere and they just LEAVE. (For those that don't know "wandering" is now recognized as a medical classification that often goes with autism.) But, he has to be told on a daily basis that it's time to shower, he has to have someone prepare his water, he has to be reminded to use soap, he has to be told to get back in when he doesn't use soap, he has to have visual ques of his daily schedule, and verbal reminders of staying on track. He still sometimes get's ideas in his head of "better" ways to do something and without a word will just DO whatever his grand idea was.

So, what can he do? Just before Christmas we gave Tyler an early present. A cell phone. The grandparents then got him a new bike for Christmas. I have seen the end of my days walking hand in hand with him to school. The chattering, the changing of his steps to get into sync with my steps. That ship sailed, and I had to let my baby bird out of the nest a little bit.

Tyler now takes his bike to school. We've been over all the rules. Most are all the same rules from when we walked together. I threw in watching for mailboxes. With his new cell phone he contacts me every morning to let me know he's at school. He contacts me every day and let's me know that he's leaving school. I know every day when he's truly on his own. I stand by the window and watch for him to come riding down the sidewalk. 

Ten minutes of freedom. So much COULD possibly go wrong in that time frame. BUT, if I don't learn to trust him now....how will anyone else out there ever do it? Who's going to give him a chance at life if it isn't me? Special needs or not...you have to find a way to trust your kids, and let them do something without you. If you never trust them, they'll never trust themselves. They'll never know if they CAN do it, if they never try.

For Tyler, that step is riding his bike to school, and then back home, alone. For Blonde Eyes... well, she can be trusted with much...just not a computer. It doesn't have to be much though. It doesn't even have to be being somewhere alone for a few minutes. It could be anything. And if they get tangled up in the works, cut them loose, but don't make that into your excuse for not letting them do anything again. They're just kids, some with special needs, growing up is a hard learning curve, and I'd suspect we all needed more than one try when we were doing it.

Riding down the sidewalk on his way home from school.

Winter Break is over. Time to break my blogging silence.

I haven't posted anything in a good while, and I had told myself that I'd do it after the kids were back in school. Well... They went back to school today. So what should I mention about my silent winter break? I know there had been things I thought I would blog about, but time has come and gone and it's not like I wrote anything down to remind myself of those things later. For some reason I always feel assured that I'll remember something because it strikes me just so. Then I'm reminded later just how I really won't remember those things regardless of how important I thought they had been at the time.

One of my other ideas had been to just post a bunch of pictures from winter break that made me happy. By far the easier thing to do, but it wouldn't give an idea of all the other things that went on. I thought about posting about my goals for the year... Yeah, that ship sailed too. Seems a bit off to blog about that sort of thing a week into the new year. So, since all my really good ideas ran off and left me before I could get to them I'll just share some pictures with you. Happy or sad? *shrugs* They just will be what they are.

Right off the bat. OH.EM.GEE! I haven't had a washer and dryer in YEARS. We just moved into a townhouse this summer, and for Christmas the Parentals gave us this.

So I ran out and bought this. LOVE IT!

And these.... Doing laundry is so stinking easy!

Anakin climbing the tree like he's King Kong and the tree is the Empire State Building. Dude, it was cute last year when you were a kitten. GET.OUT.OF.MY.TREE!

These have gotten pretty hard to find. And when you do find them they are almost always the ones with lipstick in them. I hate those, but I LOVE these and they make me so stinking happy. A must have year round!

Celebrated 15 years of Blonde Eyes (Hope). The boyfriend came along :)

I found what had to be the MOST perfect frame ever for this and gave it to my mother-in-law for Christmas. She loves dragonflies so I drew a rough draft of this on a piece of paper and then hand carved it into a blank engraving board.

No, seriously Anakin. It's not cute anymore. Get out of the tree. Please? Ok, fine. DO whatever you want....

It started snowing on Christmas, and it snowed, and snowed, and snowed...

And then the sickness hit.

Cuddling with mommy <3

Playing some Borderlands 2 with the hubby.

Got a new controller since my purple glow in the dark one started acting all "funny" that really wasn't funny.

And that is the short story of what our winter break was like. Throw in some eating out, watching The Hobbit, some good home cooked meals, plenty of days spent in our jammies, and a few terrible drives to Ft. Worth and back...and you pretty much have the whole story.

I hope you all had a wonderful break, and whether we are ready for it or not *dun dun dun* it's time to get back to that school business.